Wedding Problems, What Can I Do?

My fiancé and I are getting married in 2 months and want to have our wedding on Siesta Key Beach in Sarasota. My parents want me to change the venue to be closer to home even though all the deposits have been paid out. It’s really maddening since we started planning this wedding my parents have been so pessimistic about it. The planning is already done, invitations are already sent, accommodations picked, venue reserved, even the caterer and decoration decisions have been made. I wanted to plan this myself but now it feels like I have gone about everything the wrong way. I don’t know what to do now, it’s our wedding and we want to get married on the beach, not our home town. How do I persuade my parents?

Claire, Orlando Fl

 

Answer

Hi Claire, I’m sorry to hear about all the distress & negativity about your Siesta beach wedding plans. Getting married is stressful enough without family disagreements.

Now, before we can find a possible solution, let me ask you to do a little thinking.

Let’s try and find out ‘why’ your parents object to your beach wedding plans.

As a parent myself let me say that it’s hard letting go, and all parents are people too with problems and issues of our own. Having said that, the question for you is this; do your parents have control issues?

The reality here is that most people on this earth have control issues to some degree… most everyone likes to be in control. It may be that your parents are having a difficult time understanding that their little girl is all grown up and needs to start making her own decisions in life.

The second question for you is this. Do your parents question all types of decisions that you make?

And yes, “decisions and control” are so intertwined it’s hard to tell where one ends and the other starts. These issues are very much linked and can be rationalized as necessary by your parents if there is a history of bad decisions on your part.

If so, your parents may feel that they still need to “protect” you from yourself.

The reality of life though is that we only learn and grow from our missteps through this world. In our very first years of life we only learn to walk from repeated falling.

A truism: From cradle to grave, we must fail to learn and grow.

Remember, the wedding is usually the very first big life event where ‘you the daughter’ are in control and it’s going to be… new and exciting for you… new and terrifying for mom and dad.

My Suggestions

My suggestions would be for all couples out there who may be in a similar situation to do the following.

Be firm and resolute with mom and dad about your wedding plans. Don’t say anything in a mean way, state the main point as a matter of fact; that this is what you’re going to do…have a beach wedding in Sarasota or get married at a country club, whatever it is and keep it simple.

Next: Ask for their help with the wedding planning, ask for their ideas, tell them that you value their opinion and ask for help with some of the decision making. But also let them know that final decisions are yours and that this is your wedding and your time.

Getting parents involved in the wedding planning process is the best way to get them to “Buy Into” the big picture – In Claire’s case a beach wedding.

Help your parents understand that you’ll always love them and that now you need them to help let you grow up and start making your own decisions.

Heart to Heart Talks

And…We all need to talk to each other more often, especially at these times of life changes, those heart to heart talks that we’re just not having.

Sit down with your parents and spill out those feelings and emotions in a good way, tell them about your love and respect, your hopes and your fears, and your need to grow… the love will be returned 10 fold.

Most parents are fearful for their children, I know… I’ve been there, and these feelings are out of love. Parents just can’t stand to see their babies hurt in any way, and sorry but, you’ll always be our baby.

Let’s make sure we have these family talks, we all need to continue learning and growing… parents too!